I’ve been having some especially weird dreams lately. One night last week, I fell asleep in my chair with Daisy in my lap, and I woke up and started crying because 1)I dreamed my leg was turning into my dog,  and 2) that’s fucking scary!

However, my most effeded-up of dreams of all-time is a few years old now, but is STILL THE BEST YET-TO-BE-MADE -INTO-A-MAJOR-MOTION-PICTURE movie plot line.

Ever.

Some of you may already be familiar with this dream of mine, but for the rest of internet, it goes like this:

See. There’s this crypt. And all the important dead Jews are kept there. (I’m not up on my Jewistory, but I have to assume both Moses and William Herschel are there. Where my Uranus peeps at?!) And see what happens is, if you go to the Jew Crypt and get some Important Jew blood, and then form some kind of Important Jew blood brothers bond with some Important Jew blood and your own blood, then you’re cleansed of your sins. Totally. Like lying, stealing, coveting thy neighbors sheeps. Everything. Clean slate.

BUT…  Holy fuck! Late one night (obviously), some totally sinny-ass teenager shows up to the Important Jew Crypt. But when he tries to make blood brothers with a dead Important Jew, the corpse COMES BACK TO LIFE! (I think it should be Anne Frank, because, fuck it, just GO there, right? ). And then along with all the other reanimated Important Jews, wreaks havoc, and the Important Jew Zombie apocalypse ensues.

So it’s like Catholic confessional+ George Romero + Woody Allen**

“This Summer… Someone pricks the wrong Jew…”

*creaky door hinge*

*groans*

(hushed whispers) ‘Brrrrrrrraaaaaaaiiiiins….’

“Prepare. For the…

JEWPOCALYSPE!


Okaaay…

WTF, Jesus? I DREAMED THAT! Where the crap in my psyche did that come from? I’ve been totally cool with all Jews, for like, ever.

Maybe. Somewhere deep in my soul, I think the Jews deserve their vengeance, and the best course of action is obviously a Zombie Jewpocalypse.

But since I went ahead dreamed this, I don’t think it should end at Jewpocalypse! No. We’re talking media, marketing blitz, here. I’m thinking some kind of deal with Burger King® to release 4 commemorative glasses available with the purchase of an Extra Value meal.  Those of you familiar with my 7 other posts on this blog should be quite aware of my favorite video game of all time. Just think of it: Plants vs Jew Zombies. It seems like we could take this in a lot of directions.

It’s just something to think about I guess…

Seriously though, I for real apologize if my frank rehashing of my Zombie Jewpocalypse dream has offended anyone of the Jewish community or of Jewishish origin.

Oh. And also, Happy Easter.


**Note: I am completely unfamiliar with the works of both George A. Romero and Woody Allen. So my zombie filmmaker and filmmaker that’s a Jewish guy references are total generalizations.


Today we have a story for you about doin’ it… with me. I’m Ira Glass. This a story about a girl, but not just any girl. This is a girl who so beautiful, you can tell that she’s beautiful through the radio. This is a girl who is so smart, I feel the need to take off my own perfectly nerdy glasses and slide them onto her perfect little face. This girl* is so amazing, that on tonight’s episode, we’re gonna DO IT!

I’m Ira Glass, and you’re listening to This American Porno.

I love you, Taylor. So hard.

Our story tonight comes to you in one act, because all the other acts are too naughty for public radio. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH!

*Note: This girl is me, Taylor. Ira Glass wants to do it with ME! True story**

**Not a true story.


NOTE: On 03/28/2010, this entry was reposted on She Thought, a site dedicated to the women of science and skepticism.

_________

I blog, if only briefly, in the spirit of Ada Lovelace Day:

Though she may have been as far away from “tech” as one could get in the world of science, Rachel Carson is my scientific heroine. I admire greatly the passion, adoration and respect she had for science and the natural world. I relate to her as a loner, as an idealist and for her desire not to make the world we live in a better place, but to make us better for the world we live in. I developed a true understanding of the nature, purpose and scope of science for the first time as I read The Sea Around Us, and by the time I was finished, this book had made me a scientist. Carson’s controversial Silent Spring, a warning of both the potential and real harmful long-term effects of indiscriminate pesticide use, was published in 1962 just a year before her death from cancer. The book has been credited as launching the grassroots environmental movement of the 1960’s that eventually led to the establishment of the EPA in 1970. As a scientist in the environmental public sector, I owe even my career to life and work of Rachel Carson.

"The lasting pleasures of contact with the natural world are not reserved for scientists but are available to anyone who will place himself under the influence of earth, sea and sky and their amazing life." -- Rachel Carson, "Helping Your Child to Wonder," WOMAN'S HOME COMPANION, July 1956


Mr. Q and I recently combined households to form a supergroup of short people and lazy dogs.  Due in large part to our mutual “blah” interior design aesthetic, a majority of our chairs, tables, textiles, etc married quite well when we squished them all into the same apartment.

Allow me a moment to define the “blah” aesthetic.

“blah” aesthetic – (nblah es-thet-ik

black, white, beige. in some instances, no knobs.

Ok. I added on that part at the end about no knobs because I have a strange aversion to furniture with knobs. But that’s abloggins for another day.

So anyway. The point is, our color palate lacks an actual color. I’m comfortable with it that way, but I understand a little bit of color could liven things up a bit and am open to possibility of one day maybe incorporating one, maybe two colors …yeah, no. Nevermind.

Several days after we move in, there appears a rug on our balcony. This one, actually:

urbnrug

And to further explain why this is the strangest occurrence ever, our balcony is about 2ft by 3in and 3 stories up.  After minutes of perplexed face-making and head-tilting, it is deduced the rug probably fell from the balcony above during a storm the night before.

I immediately decide we should adopt the rug, and I roll it out on our living room floor.

The next evening it catches my attention that if we were to leave the blinds slightly open, someone outside would definitely be able to see the rug just lying there on our floor.

I try the rug out in our bathroom. I’m beginning to have thief’s remorse.

About 3 or 4 nights after the rug joined our family, we faintly hear a bit of commotion. Carlos mutes the TV and stands very still, then slowly wanders over towards the door to the balcony. Our neighbor upstairs is standing outside on the phone, and yelling. Loudly. And angrily.

I start thinking. What if we befriended the neighbor, only for him to enter our bathroom months later and then kill us while in a rage over our betrayal of friendship. What if we befriended another neighbor who heard from another neighbor that yet another neighbor’s rug disappeared, and after visiting our apartment, the rumors start flying until we are arrested for rug larceny and one day my troubled past surfaces, ruining my campaign for president and ultimately, my political career.

I command Carlos to take the rug to the leasing office first thing in the morning to be returned to it’s rightful owner. I sleep with one eye open that night.

The next morning our apartment is returned to its former blah, a few days later I spot the rug back on the angry neighbor’s balcony, and all is once again right in the world.

Ok. I think my conscience is clear now.


We are tiny, wimpy, and also (one of us more so than me) complainy people.  So I think I can safely say, neither were exactly looking forward to this day.  However we managed to successfully assemble one bookcase today, and everyone is still alive. Teamwork!

For instructional and inspirational purposes, I would like to share this day with the world. High five!


We’ve been watching the This American Life Showtime series on Netflix the last few days, because I don’t get enough Ira Glass by listening to NPR non-stop.

Have I mentioned how much I want to sex Ira Glass?IraGlass

…Apparently I have.

Anyway. Yesterday after several hours of Carlos making fun of Ira Glass, (no doubt from the insecurity he experiences due to how much I want to sex Ira Glass) we excitedly and inventively coined the phrase “Ira Glasses.”

Of course, like every great idea I have, it’s already been dreamed up, mentioned, and exploited many times.

iraglasses

Foiled again!


I’m in love with a video game nerd. Not your typical video game nerd, an actual video game nerd. I’m still working on convincing him to help me make educational video games for 1st graders so I can quit my day my job , and we can live happily ever after as business partners. But I digress.

Although I’m still trying to find the appeal of sitting around shooting at giant alien ants, I’ve gotten Dear Carlos to appreciate the awesomeness of Popcap. Namely Peggle (which I’m earning the achievement points for him on Xbox)  and my new favorite of all time, Plants vs Zombies (although I think I love the music video more than the game.) (Just like this kid.) (But I digress.) (Again.)

Several days ago Carlos asked me what it is I like about these games. To which I sheepishly replied, “Lord Cinderbottom.”

I had never really thought about it, so his question actually got me thinking.  Because I like to know everything. Yesterday I arrived to the conclusion that I like to play games that seem simple enough, but you can develop complex strategies. I told this to Carlos and his response was “Ooh. Talk dirty to me.” I then somewhat regretted spending the previous three days considering his initial question so seriously.

Basically, I like to escape in a simplistic game for the sole purpose of overthinking it.

Several months ago I spent about two weeks wrapped up in a flash game that I don’t even know how I stumbled upon it (EDIT: yes I do. I was bored at work), Filler. First of all, it has a naughty name.  Within the five minutes of playing this game, I was hooked.  Captivating plot? No. Complex character development? No. Mind-blowing graphics? Uh, no.

The reason I played this game non-stop until the carpal tunnel set in; science. SCIENCE! I immediately found this game a fascinating analogue to the study of fluid mechanics.  I coupled bouts of absent-mindedly clicking the mouse, with the opportunity to study up on some fluid dynamics, brownian motion, particle theory. I even went searching for a 25 page lab report I wrote in an Advanced Chemistry lab course during college.

…Isn’t that sad?